A Piece Of Me

Have you ever been in a situation where you are trying to tell someone something but they don’t believe you? It’s awful isn’t it. I really do know how you feel. In my case it was medical professionals, doctors and A&E staff that didn’t listen to me. I had issues starting in Nov 2017. It took until March 2018 for someone to believe me. When I was first hospitalised in the November, they told me I had a Pelvic inflammation disease, I was told there was no cure and due to the disease I would get repeated infections. I walked away thinking I knew what was wrong with me.

Between then and March I visited the Doctors and A&E multiple times. Each time I was barely looked at and sent on my way with another course of antibiotics. It was at the point where I was getting new ones every 7-10 days. Nothing seemed to be working. I was getting worse. I had stopped eating, constantly felt sick and was vomiting, I lost 3 stone, kept shaking uncontrollably and I had so much pain.

I told them all that something was wrong with me, I knew something was very seriously wrong. They wouldn’t listen, they kept telling me that perhaps I had an addiction to pain medication as I was on Tramadol at this point which didn’t shift the pain. They told me I was imagining it, that I should perhaps seek additional help to deal with my issues.

I felt like I was going crazy, I started to question myself. They are the professionals so they know what they are doing right? I saw a new doctor in March who I sat and spoke to about it all, I cried at her, told her how others had made me feel and she listened. After I was finished she examined me and took 15 minutes to read through all my notes and hospital visits and then turned me and said “I don’t think you have this womb disease” she sent me immediately to the hospital armed with a strongly worded letter. She rang a department and told them to expect me, that she wanted through tests for everything, especially things such as Lupus, Crohns and anything rare.

It was that appointment that changed everything, she saved my life. If I hadn’t have seen her I wouldn’t have had the treatments and surgeries I needed and I would have died. The consultant that saw me at the hospital when they told me what was wrong said I was days away from dying.
This post isn’t about what happened after that, I’ve already discussed that in previous posts. This post is about that time between November and March where I felt I had lost my sanity and had every single part of my self belief taken away.

It is not acceptable for people to make us feel this way. We trust these professionals with our lives, we don’t disbelieve them because they have gone through years of training and experiences to help us.

I have no problem discussing my diagnosis, surgeries, time in hospital, how I have coped with recovering, how it’s changed my life, non of it but I do have issues with the time before hospital.

I can’t talk about it without crying, without anxiety rising up with it’s nasty claws to take a piece of me back with it. I am a rational person, I would like to think I am pretty confident. I know that the same situation is unlikely to occur again but I cannot get past it.
Those few months when I was deathly sick took something from me. It wasn’t even the illness that took it, it was those people I put my faith and trust in, those people who made me feel like I was nothing, I wasn’t to be believed, those who had stamped HYPOCHONDRIAC all over my head.

I am writing this post because I need to do something pro-active to help myself, to enable my thoughts to get past this. A very good friend of mine suggested that I blog about it, not just to help myself but to also show those who have been through similar that they aren’t as alone as they feel they are, or have been. I am lucky that I have people who I love and trust dearly who allow me the space and time to cry, rant, swear and get angry.

That’s the other side of this coin, the anger. I go from being completely sad over the way I have been treated to angry. Angry that I wasn’t believed, angry that I almost lost my life and left behind children, a partner, my family, angry that I was fed all these tablets that ultimately made me more sick more ill and I am angry that my 4 yr old daughter cries whenever I have a doctor or hospital appointment because she thinks I’m not going to come home again for weeks like last time.

It should not be this way, we, as people deserve to be listened too. It is our right to be heard. We should not be silenced because we are told we aren’t qualified to know better.
As masters of our own bodies and minds we should have that control.
For those of you who have suffered a similar way, or are going through something like this, please, force them to listen to you, do not let them make you feel the way I do. You deserve better.

Thanks for reading.

Emma-Louise x


How Planning Keeps Me Sane

There are many people who don’t get the whole planner thing and that’s fine. We all don’t have to enjoy the same things as each other.

Many times us little planner addicts come under some ridicule for being open about what we enjoy, which can be unfair especially since we all have hobbies some are more unique than others but at the end of the day of something brings a person joy in today’s world then why not? Who are we to criticise? 

I enjoy and use planners for various reasons. They do help keep me sane. 

I’ve always had a love for Stationery but since I had my 3rd and youngest child (who is now approaching 2yrs old) I never got as involved as I am now.

The primary reason for me to use a planner is to track life and it’s many complexities. Having 3 children,  a partner, a home to manage, working part-time and volunteering can make things quite complicated so this helps simplifiy my routine.

When I first started using a planner I would track my baby’s feeding, illnesses, milestones etc and anything of importance like health visitor visits and such.

Back then I didn’t have a blog or either of my jobs but my memory was always consumed with something and I would sometimes forget things I needed to remember.

Now it still performs the same function as well as tracking all our house expenses, cleaning rota and work commitments. 

I have also now implemented a blog planner to properly plan out my posts, track statistics and everything else blog related.

I like to keep all my planners seperate so things don’t get to entwined, I find it much easier to plan this way.

I suffered quite a lot with PND so a planner helped track my moods so I could refer back to my GP easier as I was going the non-treatement route.

Now thankfully the PND usually is on the downlow and I rarely have any issues. It’s not to say that it has gone because it hasn’t I can feel it still there and on the days when it rears it’s ugly head I can write it down. Frequency of things happening helps me pinpoint events that make me feel vulnerable or stressed so I can learn to adapt and handle them differently. It will also point out of I am having a relapse.

Anyone who has had a child will know that having any sort of control over your day often goes out of the window regardless of the good intentions we have.

That’s what a planner does for me. It gives me a sense of control. While I am aware I cannot control everything it means the little I can have some control over I do. The house is a prime example. I know when certain things need cleaning,  bills are due, landlord inspections, tenancy renewals etc.

I would really love to hear from you about why you use a planner, what does it offer you above anything else and if it makes a difference to your life. Please feel free to comment below:)

Thanks for reading. 

The Stationery Geekette x