The Little Book of Dread: Journaling with Negative Emotions

Today I’d like to talk to you about the benefits of journaling with Negative Emotions. Quite often we see posts about the positivity of journaling. Mostly memory journals, project life and posts that always end in some sort of positive outcome. 

However, if you are like me sometimes life just feels really unfair, overwhelming or damn right shit. 

I have a little journal which I call my Little Book of Dread. I keep it separately from everything else and don’t write in it daily. When I do write in it though I unleash all my anger, sadness and hate for whatever it is at the time. I scream at the page with my frustrations. Scribble, swear and have tear drops all over. I don’t care. This journal is never going to be seen by anyone else. This is my journal of true and honest feeling. 

I am only human and yes I know it’s great to try and look at every silver lining etc but sometimes I don’t want too. Sometimes I feel like enough is enough and why me?

Everyone feels like that but not many will admit it because we think it makes us selfish, it makes people pity us. It makes us feel weak. At least that’s how I often feel. I’m a pretty strong outgoing person but I can only tolerate so much.

There are benefits to this sort of journaling. 

1) A problem shared is a problem halved. This way it’s shared judgement free.

2) You can be brutal and honest with yourself and about others.

3) It helps you to de-stress and feel less overwhelmed.

4) You can tell it your deepest darkest secret and learn a lot about yourself in the process.

5) It can leave you exhausted but in the best way. 

6) It leaves you feeling much lighter, like you don’t have to carry that burden around with you.

7) You can unleash your inner crazy voice, this is great since as it’s generally not appropriate to do that in public.

If you haven’t tried this yourself I would highly recommend it. The process is very cathartic. I’ve even gone so far as to burn the book when it’s full, and it really does feel good. Like letting good of everything that’s tried to break you.

Give it a go you won’t regret it. Thanks for reading.

The Stationery Geekette x


Depression Coping Strategies

To start I would like to say thank you to my readers. I got a huge response regarding my post on dealing with depression and a baby. I received many questions which I tried to answer the best I could but one particular one kept cropping up ‘How to I cope and get through it by myself?’ So following that post and question I have decided to write a post in how I deal with it, how I cope and what my top tip strategies are.


These tips may not work for you, depression is an extremely personal thing and what works for one person may not work at all for the next. This is however, how I have managed to keep hold of just a little sanity in a world that remains insane.

  1. Scream. I know, you are probably thinking to yourself ‘what?’ but you heard me scream. I go into the bedroom, grab a pillow and scream into it. This is when I’m at that point where I am completely overwhelmed by the situation and need an immediate outlet. We all get frustrated and want to scream and shout because everything at that moment is unfair, hard, overwhelming and 99% of the time you have no idea how you will get through it. Screaming is such a release of all those feeling that it helps me calm myself with a pretty much immediate effect.
  2. Exercise. Its a time old concept, one everyone recommends but very little of us actually do. Now by this I don’t necessarily mean go work out for an hour at the gym. I mean do anything. For me it’s swimming. I love to get in that water and swim. I am alone, in my thoughts just powering through it. The sound of the water, the smell and the feel is extremely comforting to me. Others chose to install a punching bag, join kick boxing. Just do whatever it is that makes you feel good, that take’s you away and gives an outlet for your thoughts.
  3. Stepping Outside. Again this is more of an in-the-moment coping technique. When you feel overwhelmed and frustrated then take a step outside and just gather your thoughts for 5-10 minutes. I always pop the baby down in her cot with some toys even if she is screaming and crying, I know she is safe. I take myself outside and just breathe, listen to the noises around me, life going on regardless of what’s going on with me.
  4. Do something you Love. For me it’s getting out my planners and decorating or planning a project or blog post. For others it could be colouring, art, painting, reading. Whatever you like to do, do it. Take some time on an evening when it’s all calmed down and just indulge. Run a hot bath and enjoy with a glass of wine and a crunchie if that’s what you need.
  5. Don’t overburden yourself. This is a key thing for me. Taking each day as it comes. I breakdown the things I want to achieve for the week/month and seperate it into day, and have mini goals. I never feel I have too much to do. The stress that comes with that feeling really will not help your depression and the feeling you get from ticking off those mini goals really helps. I feel that despite having some extremely rough days that I am still achieving something. Some days I don’t get anything ticked off, these are the days when life is too much but I have one less thing to worry about. I am not stressing about what isn’t done because I know what Iv’e missed won’t effect anything and it is easy to catch up on. Be realistic and set goals!
  6. Talk it out. If you have someone you can call even if it’s just for a chat about anything else then pick up the phone and do it. Preferably share your concerns, admit you feel crap, admit you feel at that moment that you are failing at life. The old saying ‘A problem shared is a problem halved’ exists for a reason. It is really good to talk!
  7. Be Kind to Yourself. So your day has turned into a shit-fest. Life isn’t going how you want, your dreams are scattered on the floor in little pieces, you feel alone, hard done by and are sat wallowing in self-pity. This is perfectly normal, this is what it is like to live, to be human. Don’t punish yourself. Acknowledge this is the hand you’ve been dealt and you have two options; Give in to it or fight it. If your having one of those days just tell yourself, it will be over soon, have a mantra if you must, enjoy a massive decadent pizza from your fav take-away. Tomorrow is another day. I promise you, it will end and it will get better. This isn’t forever. Your just building your inner strength.
  8. Recognise the symptoms. If you are like me sometimes you just wake up and know before anything has happened that today will not be a good day. Unfortunately with depression it’s not just as easy to snap out of it and tell yourself you are been ridiculous. My advice for these days is this…Do something different. Go for a long walk, be spontaneous and visit a relative, go shopping. Distracting yourself from the norm will help. If you work and can’t get a day off, make a plan for the evening or lunch. Give yourself something to look forward too. And smile, even if you don’t want too, its’s contagious. The more smile you give, the more you get an this will realise those happy little hormones we have that make you feel better.
  9. Don’t Be Ashamed. One of the things about depression is it makes you feel guilt, which then adds to your depression. Well stop. Easier said that done right? Ask yourself why you feel guilty?, why you feel bad?. This is yours to own, give yourself permission to feel bad, to have a bad day, to write negative words on a bit of paper. Who is it that dictates we have to feel good every single day of our lives? no-one..that’s who. Every single living person has a day where they feel bad. Don’t let the guilt of it swallow you up.
  10. Avoid The Bad. When your having a bad day and feel crap it is really easy to want to have a good drink but please try to avoid it. A glass of wine or a beer yes, go for it but too much alcohol will just make you feel worse that you already do, not only that but the next day you will already start mentally more vulnerable which will in turn probably lead to yet another bad day. The same came be said for Caffeine too, it is a stimulant and can enhance your stress levels.

Every day you get through is another day closer to the end. It is incredibly tough and those who haven’t experienced it will never understand the internal battles that we have.

I hope that my tips help and you can take something from them. Just remember what you are going through is natural, no-one else needs to be in your business so if you don’t want to announce it to everyone then don’t, if you do then do. Don’t ever feel like you have no options to get out of the situation, you do.

We are the masters of our own destiny, regain control even if you loose it every now and then. Take the good days as they come and enjoy them. The bad days only last until they don’t.

If you would like to seek advice from the medical profession regarding coping strategies and methods I have included a couple of links below.


NHS – Coping with Depression, Stress and Anxiety

The Stationery Geekette x

Through The Fog…

This is a different type of post today, one that you’ve never seen from me before. Its a lot less planner and a lot more me.

When I feel pregnant with my youngest I  had expectations of raising a baby, I’d done it twice before.

To start off with the first few weeks were nothing out of the norm but as we headed into the two month post birth period something changed. It was like a darkness creeped in around the edges.

This darkness was out of my direct vision,  it lurked blurry around the sides making it’s presence felt but disguised.

When things first started changing I put it down to certain things going on such as I was tired due to a lack of sleep because the baby had colic, when the colic didn’t go away and after much pleading with the doctors we found out at 4mths that she had a lactose intolerance. I put my negative feelings down to circumstances like this. It wasn’t me that had any sort of issue was it? noooo…it was just the fact that things hadn’t been easy and it was taking it’s toll.

Not long after the lactose diagnosis I went to see the GP. The darkness hadn’t gone, in fact it seemed to be getting darker, less murky and more defined.

The GP informed me that I had good old depression. Well…that’s just great isn’t it. Looks like it was my head over reacting to pretty much life! Just what a control freak like myself wanted to hear. I refused any tablets or help and agreed that I’d go see someone if it got worse. Well…it got worse and I didn’t go back. I’ve been suffering (not so silently)  trying to make it through each hour of each day. I told my partner about a month after I was diagnosed not that it changed anything,  he has no idea how to deal with it, how could he? Even I couldn’t . We have no familial support so I just have had to power through this alone, however I can.

It’s been hard, I’ve hit my breaking point on many many occasions. I’ve wanted to leave and go it alone, I’ve stupidly wished that non of it had happened.
You see no-one tells you about the guilt that comes with depression like this. I’ve never ever once wanted to hurt my baby,  it’s not that sort of depression, I have never neglected or put her in danger. She is my world, I love her with every part of my being.
But in moments of despair have I wondered if life would have been easier if I had her adopted, if I’d never fallen pregnant? Yes, honestly I have. Those thoughts are flash-in-the-pan-gone-within-a-second thoughts.  The guilt you feel though for thinking them doesn’t go so quickly. It lingers and eats up at you, therefore making you feel even more crappy about the situation.  Then…when you think it can’t get worse you start doubting yourself, your parental skills “maybe she’s better off without this sorry sack of shit mother” “maybe I don’t deserve such a beautiful baby after what I said”. It’s a circle of shame that you can’t pull yourself out of. It’s illogical, irrational and damn well unwanted!

People underestimate how mentally challenging a baby is, the focus is always on money,  capabilities and the practical stuff. No-one tells you that the strongest emotionally stable person can become a mess of low self-esteem and confidence who cries at everything. No-one tells you that you can find yourself so frustrated by situations you want to punch your fist through a wall and scream until your throat bleeds and no-one will tell you that you will hate your life.

My baby is now 16mths old and I won’t lie, I still have bad days. Luckily the bad days are less and less but they rear their ugly head and make you feel like they still rule you, they still win and there is nothing you can do about it.

The darkness prays on your vulnerability,  as you get stronger and start to fight it off it will pick at you when you’re at your lowest. When your ill or emotional. It will be there, it will come rushing in and tell you that ‘you are not good enough’.

For every day that goes past I get stronger and stronger. I wish in hindsight now that I’d taken the help offered and eased my suffering instead of wallowing in shame. I sometimes need to remind myself that I am surviving regardless of the darkness, I know it’s there and I’ll take those days on and get through them, for every glimpse of me it gets I get one back and that makes me understand how it works. This way I can learn it’s weakness and drive it out.

Each and everyday I make it…just a little further through the fog.

Emma-Louise x