The Ghost Of You

The sense of grief overwhelms me as I walk down the street that we walked down together. A memory flashes past the corner of my eye. Remembering the details so small, so unimportant now seeming so large, so vital to what was. Donna Lewis is playing our song in the dark recess of my mind, I’m smiling up at your sparkling blue eyes.

The ghost of you plays out in front me, yet if I reach out to touch you you’ll disappear.
I hear myself giggle, full of youth, dreams, love. Love for you, the one who at that time of my life felt eternal.
Guilt ricochet around my heart, the overbearing feeling that I failed you back before I knew I even could. Responsibility for your path in life may well lay at my feet. I know you made your own choices, ultimately it was you that did this but perhaps if I had given you another option, a different choice then you could have become the person who didn’t pick these choices, who didn’t pick death.

I don’t know what happened for us to fade so quickly and why we didn’t try harder for the memory of us but we were young, too young to understand the implications of our decision.
I miss you, I miss the thought of you living life and I wish I had done something, that I had known how this would turn out because now I’m left with these memories that flit about my surroundings and my conscious mind. The warmth in them that turns cool when I remember the loss of you. I’m sorry for never been there, I’m sorry I didn’t know and I’m sorry it took 10 years for me to acknowledge the good in what we had. I’m just sorry.

Emma-Louise x

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Family Fun

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Hey Everyone.

When I was recovering last year. I made a few promises to myself about the life I wanted to live. Like most of us do, we often take things for granted and don’t often realise how lucky we are with the smallest and simplest of things.

I realised that I wanted more family time, that I didn’t have to wait until I had the money for some grand day out. In fact I could make some great family days with little to no money because ultimately it’s not money that you need to spend, it’s time.

We moved in December and part of me was really sad as I loved Guisborough, I loved that the Priory no more than a 10 minute walk away and it’s a place that I have loved for over 20 years.

However, now we’ve settled and my health has improved ten fold we have started to be more active as a family.

I now live in a place that is 20 minutes by bus to Guisborough so I can still visit the Priory and I am 15 minutes by bus to visit a Victorian seaside town and beach and I am a 10 minute walk from the rolling countryside. I am lucky, I live in a pretty and scenic place.

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My partner had the week off over Valentine’s and we decided to not buy each other gifts. Instead we were going to spend the day at the beach as a family and that is what we did.

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We had such a lovely day. We went in the afternoon after Alexis finished nursery and thankfully the weather was great.It was chilly but the sun was shining.

Saltburn is a really nice beach. Part of it is full of rockpools and pebbles while the other part is a long stretch of sandy beach.

 

While we were there we collected some pebbles to paint at home and found some shells. We took a walk out over the long pier and had a play in the 2p machines in the tiny pier arcade.

 

 

 

 

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We then spent another day painting our pebbles ready to put in our garden which we are doing up ready for summer.

 

 

 

Here are the rest of our pictures:)

 

 

 

 

 

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Thanks for reading.

Emma-Louise x

 

December The Village Witch Sub Box

Hey Everyone,

I know I am a bit late to the party with this box but I wanted to share it with you anyway. This was the December Yule themed subscription box by The Village Witch.

I really loved this box, the aroma I got from just opening it told me that it would be one that I would really enjoy. It smelt of ginger, cinnamon, winter spices. Perfect for this time of year.

Contents Included:

Treat Bag

Heart Home Decor

2 Chritmas Scented Scandles

Warm and Cosy Aura Spray

Peace of The Season Salt Mix

Yule Incense

Yule Oil

 In with the New, Out with the Old Floor Wash

Winter Solistice Spell Shooter

Yule Ink

 

As always the quality was amazing. The quantity you get with these boxes for only £30 is amazing. The retail value is way over what you pay and they always include little extras.
I had so much fun doing this spell, the spell shooter is especially good to do.
You can get hold of a TWV Subscription box by clicking this link.

As you can see I loved using mine:)

Thanks for reading,
Emma-Louise x

A Piece Of Me

Have you ever been in a situation where you are trying to tell someone something but they don’t believe you? It’s awful isn’t it. I really do know how you feel. In my case it was medical professionals, doctors and A&E staff that didn’t listen to me. I had issues starting in Nov 2017. It took until March 2018 for someone to believe me. When I was first hospitalised in the November, they told me I had a Pelvic inflammation disease, I was told there was no cure and due to the disease I would get repeated infections. I walked away thinking I knew what was wrong with me.

Between then and March I visited the Doctors and A&E multiple times. Each time I was barely looked at and sent on my way with another course of antibiotics. It was at the point where I was getting new ones every 7-10 days. Nothing seemed to be working. I was getting worse. I had stopped eating, constantly felt sick and was vomiting, I lost 3 stone, kept shaking uncontrollably and I had so much pain.

I told them all that something was wrong with me, I knew something was very seriously wrong. They wouldn’t listen, they kept telling me that perhaps I had an addiction to pain medication as I was on Tramadol at this point which didn’t shift the pain. They told me I was imagining it, that I should perhaps seek additional help to deal with my issues.

I felt like I was going crazy, I started to question myself. They are the professionals so they know what they are doing right? I saw a new doctor in March who I sat and spoke to about it all, I cried at her, told her how others had made me feel and she listened. After I was finished she examined me and took 15 minutes to read through all my notes and hospital visits and then turned me and said “I don’t think you have this womb disease” she sent me immediately to the hospital armed with a strongly worded letter. She rang a department and told them to expect me, that she wanted through tests for everything, especially things such as Lupus, Crohns and anything rare.

It was that appointment that changed everything, she saved my life. If I hadn’t have seen her I wouldn’t have had the treatments and surgeries I needed and I would have died. The consultant that saw me at the hospital when they told me what was wrong said I was days away from dying.
This post isn’t about what happened after that, I’ve already discussed that in previous posts. This post is about that time between November and March where I felt I had lost my sanity and had every single part of my self belief taken away.

It is not acceptable for people to make us feel this way. We trust these professionals with our lives, we don’t disbelieve them because they have gone through years of training and experiences to help us.

I have no problem discussing my diagnosis, surgeries, time in hospital, how I have coped with recovering, how it’s changed my life, non of it but I do have issues with the time before hospital.

I can’t talk about it without crying, without anxiety rising up with it’s nasty claws to take a piece of me back with it. I am a rational person, I would like to think I am pretty confident. I know that the same situation is unlikely to occur again but I cannot get past it.
Those few months when I was deathly sick took something from me. It wasn’t even the illness that took it, it was those people I put my faith and trust in, those people who made me feel like I was nothing, I wasn’t to be believed, those who had stamped HYPOCHONDRIAC all over my head.

I am writing this post because I need to do something pro-active to help myself, to enable my thoughts to get past this. A very good friend of mine suggested that I blog about it, not just to help myself but to also show those who have been through similar that they aren’t as alone as they feel they are, or have been. I am lucky that I have people who I love and trust dearly who allow me the space and time to cry, rant, swear and get angry.

That’s the other side of this coin, the anger. I go from being completely sad over the way I have been treated to angry. Angry that I wasn’t believed, angry that I almost lost my life and left behind children, a partner, my family, angry that I was fed all these tablets that ultimately made me more sick more ill and I am angry that my 4 yr old daughter cries whenever I have a doctor or hospital appointment because she thinks I’m not going to come home again for weeks like last time.

It should not be this way, we, as people deserve to be listened too. It is our right to be heard. We should not be silenced because we are told we aren’t qualified to know better.
As masters of our own bodies and minds we should have that control.
For those of you who have suffered a similar way, or are going through something like this, please, force them to listen to you, do not let them make you feel the way I do. You deserve better.

Thanks for reading.

Emma-Louise x

Hey_bloggers Christmas Party

Hey Everyone,

I was lucky enough to attend my first blogging event on December 15th over in Hull. The event was the Hey_Bloggers christmas party which was hosted in the Lexington Bar at the Doubletree Hilton

I was a little nervous going but excited. Not only to attend but alo to meet a couple of wonderful people who I have known for sometime via social media.

The train took 3 hours each way but it was well worth it. Unlike most blogging events, with this been a Christmas party there were no workshops but instead party games, icebreakers and lots of socialising and networking. I was lucky enough to meet a lot of bloggers who I hadn’t met before across many different fields.

One of the games we played was called Socialise and Mingle and it was so much fun. It is a great ice breaker style game but also a great one to play with friends and family.

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There were lots of things going on but it was such a great atmosphere, it felt quite intimate and not overwhelming which was great for a newbie like myself. It meant I had the opportunity to engage and talk to almost everyone there.

We also got an amazing googie bag which was full of lovely gifts from different brands. So a special thank you goes out to Hugh Rice Jewellers, Metcalfe Skinny, High Maintenance Jewellery, Rock on Ruby, Fenitmans, Wordery, Napoleons Casino, Sienna X and the Hull Truck Theatre.

The event was also catered for by Like Sugar Bakery and the cakes were amazing!

There was a raffle which was raising money for Oscar’s Chance Charity which is an amazing cause. I won two tickets to The Deep Hull, a watch, sweets and a cut and blow dry.

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Thank you to Hey_Bloggers for putting on a fantastically Festive Event, I cannot wait for the next one.

Here are some more pictures of my time at the event, featuring the wonderful Sam Alderson and Jennifer Gilmour.

Emma-Louise x

What!? There Have Been No Posts!?

Hey Everyone,

As the title suggests, lately there have not been any posts from me. We moved house on the 1st December and the week prior to that I was decorating the new house and the week after I was very unwell and had hospital appointments.

I have found that managing my Crohns and moving quite a bit difficult, the stress of it meant as soon as we moved I was really unwell and I havent felt that bad since before my operation. I honestly thought I was heading back into a major flare, luckily though it seems it was just a mini one and I needed to rest.

I had news from my Urologist last week that while there are two options to having a permanant fix for my kidney both are such high risk to life with low success rates that I have been advised against them. I am waiting for a MAG3 scan to confirm the damage to my right kidney before moving forwrd. It might mean the damage is as severe as with my left kidney and I will have to have stents fitted in both. For the forseeable future though my left kidney will have to be re-stented every 4 months, this means more surgeries which I am not thrilled about to say the least.

At the moment I am just taking things one day at a time and seeing how I go. I have no expectations when it comes to my health as each day can vary so much.

I am currently trying to work my way through blog posts that I have missed and feel terrible for committing to them and then not been able to uphold my end. I thought that at least if I can get the reviews out there even f they are late, it’s better than nothing.

I hope you are all well and getting into the festivities that come with this time of year. I am so happy I have my tree up, it feels like Christmas is coming now.

Take Care,

Emma-Louise x

The Village Witch Sub Box {October 2018}

Hey Everyone. I am so sorry this post is a little delayed. I hoped to get it brought to you sooner but life has been so chaotic.

Today I am bringing you the reveal for October’s Hocus Pocus Samhain box from The Village Witch Shop.

October’s box was all about Halloween and honouring your ancestors and the ancestors of Witches past.

I kept my box until the 31st to complete the spell and I had such fun with it. I really enjoyed making the ancestors oil which doesn’t just look pretty but is functional too.

In this month’s box there was:

Skull jar

Ancestral Herb and Root Mix

Samhain Aura Spray (which smells soooo good)

Remember The Ancestors Ink

Samhain Oil

Invoke the Spirits Water

Thining The Veil Salts

Invoking the Spirits Incense

Black spell candle

Orange tealight candle

Skull coaster

Treat Bag

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Yet again the TVW team knocked it out of the park not only creating an amazing quality and value for money box but providing us a fun and loving spell.

The boxes can be found here and are priced at £30 which includes all postage and packing fees.

Thanks for reading.

Emma-Louise x